But By the Grace of GOD

Go I! Im sorry I havent been as diligent the last couple days I have just been SWAMPED! But Im back now, I have a quick down second and I really wish I had more time because I have SOOOO much on my mind. But I really want to talk about plans. I once heard a saying that went something like, "How do you make God laugh? Plan." Ok I really shouldnt have put the quotes around it because I have no idea what the real quote is but it went something like that. But you get the point. This has really been on my mind because my first love was blessed with a son this week, and no Im not jealous or anything it just made me think. If you had spoke to 11th grade Monet she would have told you that she was going to marry {insert first love's name} and have babies and do theatre, OBVIOUSLY God laughed at that. But I was just soooo sure that he was the man I was meant to be with but he was not. And then recently I was soooooo sure that I would be with someone else and that is yet to be known. But that Man Upstairs knows, which got me thinking about choices. I was taught that God has Supreme reign over all things and that He has a perfect plan laid out for each and everyone of our lives, but these perfect plans hardle ever come into fruition so he flips the scripts and uses WHATEVER happens to His advantage. So my question is: Are we like little Pac people and He has the master controller or do we have control over our own lives and destinies? PLEASE COMMENT! But at this point I know this much that I am going to try my best to follow my heart (where He lives) and align myself with his plan. Well, I said Im trying! But it all really baffles me so I'm Feeling Some Kinda Way

Here I Come...

With a heavy heart. I would say I do not know what it is but that would be a lie, its just so many things that its hard to articulate them all.

How do you punish someone for something that is not their fault? How can you have a whole relationship with someone that is broken? How do you know when to put the glue down and admit that this is too much for you? I mean how do you know? And will you be hurt if, and when someone else comes and finishes what you started? Will you wish that you had stayed and tediously reconstructed this work of art?

There are just so many things that I want to know. I wish that future Monet would come and talk to Present Monet. Just drop a line and let me know that it is going to be alright, just trust.

Trust.

I always believed that God lives in everyone's heart, its just up to us to listen or not. I am trying to listen but sometimes the voice in my head and the voice in my heart get so intermingled that I cannot tell one from another. You cannot make all decisions based solely on feelings so what do you do. Oh and dont even try to bring a physical aspect into it.. Fugghedaboutit!

I just know that there is a Supreme plan for my life and I know I have dreams so vast... I dont want to jeapordize that with bad decisions.

So tonight I am just prayin for clarity, for myself and everyone around me.

***Especially the young men arguing outside of my window. I also pray for sound judgement and safe quarters because I have heard the word "gun" thrown around a few times in their conversation so I'm...

Feeling Some Kinda Way

Come On Now Ya'll...

We have GOT to do better! Can we all grow up!??!?

Ok so I was talking to my best friend and she sends me to this link, http://www.mediatakeout.com/2009/31636-gone_bonkers_rihannas_new_tattoo_shows_that_shes_recently_become_obsessed_with_guns.html
(You can check it out if you want, but I will tell you about it anywany)

So I go and its pictures of Rihanna's new tatoos and she has lil guns tatooed(?) on each arm and then they showed another pic and she had a silver chain on it with 3 types of guns on it.

Now (Yes, I'm about to go in!),

WHY DOES IT MATTER!?!?!? Her tatoos are not hurting anyone (Although I do believe that our generation will be the ABSOLUTELY UGLIEST old people because of all the things we do to our bodies but that is neither here nor there.) and if she wants to do that to herself that is definitely her perogative. Can we get back to the task at hand which is PROSECUTING CHRIS FOR HIS MALICIOUS ATTACK OF THE WOMAN HE CLAIMED TO LOVE!?!?!? Oh and can someone PLEASE SAVE HER FROM THE ATTACK THAT WILL INEVITABLY HAPPEN AGAIN!?!?!

***ABUSE IS LIKE PRINGLES; ONCE YOU POP, THE BLOOD DONT STOP!!!***

Oh and people can we be a little more imaginative. Those guns on her arms can represent her muscles or inner strength. Obviously the person who wrote that has never been abused because if they had they would know what its like to be hurt by someone and to feel powerless and stupid and ultimately guilty, even though you're not. And you swear to yourself that you will never let that happen to you EVER AGAIN!

This whole situation really bothers me for several reasons... Unfortunately, women are abused every day,in fact every 45 SECONDS a woman is the victim of sexual assault. Look at it this way, during the course of 1 episode of Wheel of Fortune 40 women have been sexually assaulted. 40!!!! Doesn't that bother you, cuz it DEFINTELY bothers me. But thats just part of it the part that really, REALLY saddens and even more so worries me is all the teenage voices coming to rationalize Chris Brown's behavior. I've read reports of young people who have said things like...
"Well, I heard she hit him first. You know how those island women are."

"I don't care... shoot he could hit me.... He's SO cute!!"

"I dont like her anyway... She probably deserved it."
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***** Just given you a sec to let that all sink in
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Ready?... Ok

LIKE WTF!?!?!?!?!? IS THIS REAL?!?!?!? ARE THEY SERIOUS!?!?!?
AND THIS IS THE FUTURE!?!!??!? WHO ARE RAISING THESE.....CHILDREN!?!?!
SINCE WHEN WAS BEATING SOMEONE COOL, FASIONABLE, APPLAUDED???

And let me be very clear, I am in NO WAY, SHAPE, or FORM "MANBASHING". I love a righteous man; a selfless, hardworking, God-fearing man; A slacks and loafers, bright eyes, book in hand man; a man so deep and sweet and good down to the soul; a man like red velvet(hah James!) I LOVE A GOOD MAN!!!

And there are plenty of them {Steven Todd Donahue insert thyself here}! PLENTY!! But even with a good brother, we(women) need to love ourselves.

Again, WE NEED TO LOVE OURSELVES!!!

Did you get it? Let me try again..
weneedtoloveourselvesweneedtoloveourselvesweneedtoloveourselvesweneedtoloveourselvesweneedtoloveourselves

Say it over and over and over and over and over and over and over until it sinks again and I no longer...

Feel Some Kinda Way

So I Was Thinkin...

I've just had a lot of changes in my life, well not really but the one change was the cause of other changes anyway, so I decided hmmm maybe I should start a blog. Actually no thats a lie. I was on Facebook (its the devil!) and I saw a girl who had one and I checked hers out and thought OH! How cool! So here I am. Does that make me a biter...Hope not. Cuz I really wasn't trying to bite off of her. Well this is my first day as a blogger (tee hee dont I sound so techno-savvy!) and even though I have ALOT to say I dont want to over do it, ya know! I have a splitting headache, so much so that I couldnt even watch Family Guy [insert Gasp], so I really need to hit the hay.

But the next time we talk, know that I will have lots more to say cuz Im what...

Feeling Some Kinda Way